Something I already know

My destiny is to die suffocate, it's something I already know.
My lungs perhaps won't stand what I'm doing to them anymore and will stop working. Apnea is terrible, I found it by myself. That need of inhale air that doesn't want to stay inside, my heart that beats harder and faster and it's about to explode inside my cage. The humiliation of knowing that people are staring at me with pity and I still can't breathe. The dependence on medicines and all that stuffs. And I'm still hurting myself.